The Moment

My thigh on yours, your palm in mine.

Tucked between your arms, I think I'll stay.

It's simply the moment, my soul begins to flake between your fingers.

Skin burns against breath,

Trace melted trails amid many nooks.

Sanity in this room, no longer remains.

Heart beats meet shoulder blades,

Hands intertwine. The luxury of time

Meets the infinite number; the particles of life.

Lashes beat and lungs exhale.

Hopes are high, expectations higher still.

Tucked tighter more, this moment can't stay.

The clock comes to life, traffic rushes by.

One arm falls limp, followed by his brother.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

My tears, they may fall against a rosy cheek.

The flakes, they float from fingers to floor.

This moment shall be, never more.

Designer Jeans & Fake Eyelashes

“Jessica, you know I love you. Don’t you ever forget that.” Damn bear.

I thought I had things in order. I thought I had it finally figured out. I thought I was over you and I thought that I was beyond caring about what the bear has to say. Will I ever have it all put together? Will I ever be able to walk away? Or will you always be the last thing on my mind before I fall asleep? Will I always care if you would approve of my latest haircut and will I forever wonder if you like my new shoes?

What defines what we feel? Is it really in our heart? Or does it have more to do with our circumstances? If I were with someone more worth while, would I still long for your touch? Would I still think of you when he is inside of me? Would I wish for your scent to tickle my senses and would I picture your face behind my closed lids as he presses his mouth to mine?

I miss you. I miss the way my name sounds when it slips past your lips. I miss your gaze. I miss being adored by you. I want you to say how much you love me. I really miss pretending. I miss pretending that we would always be a “we”. I miss fighting with you because I knew it meant we really cared. I miss the way you held my hand. I miss the way you held me. It’s simple. I miss you.

It doesn’t matter how I try to fill this hole, nothing is ever going to fit. I guess you can think of me as Miss Goldie Locks. Everything is too big or too small, too hot or too cold, too hard or too soft. You are the only thing that fits just right.

As for that bear... that damn lying bear, I think I may allow her to come out from underneath the bed. As you know, she has been banished for telling tall tales. But, I’m thinking a little lie here and there never hurt anyone. Everyone needs to feel loved. Even the bear.

Ghost

Your ghost is breathing down my neck and making my hairs rise again. Your icy fingertips trace my spine and prick my soul with compunction. I stumble and fall as I am running from your existence, denying your presence and pretending this never was. Your shadow stalks and stifles my only chance at happiness.

I demand change from repetition. Like a dog returning to vomit to lap it up and duplicate past mistakes. I eat your words without question, and wonder why my insides start to churn and spill from my lips. Yet here I am, licking and kissing the ground. I don't want to neglect one drop.

My world is swirling and the chaos consumes my life. The very moment I believe that I can see the sun, you push my face tighter to the ground and I begin to breathe in the dirt. The musty scent fills my lungs and I start to long for your touch on the back of my head. It's all that I know.

What is this monster that is devouring my sanity? I know better than this. I know that you will never make me happy; you can never give me what I need. Yet, I run to you and I crave the madness.

Please tell me why. Why must your vulgar voice whisper in my ear before I fall asleep? Those nasty words I've tried to forget, they ring in my brain. They reverberate and spring from the walls of my skull. You are a banshee, a ghoul that screams and rips my heart from my chest.

I am begging for you to leave me be, to let me bandage and paste the splinters of my broken ribs back together. Please, please just leave me alone.

A Need to Be Broken

Is there a need, like any other, a need to feel broken inside? Could there be a need to be torn apart, just as soon as things are put back together? Is it the same as the need for food, water and shelter?

Or is it a choice, but why would he want to feel broken? Why would he want to be shattered to the core? Ripped apart and exposed for the world to see. Could he crave for his insides to be spread along the sidewalk, out there in the open for scrutiny?

Why would he pick and dig at the scab, over and over again, to feel the blood pool and pour down his limbs? His very life flowing and trickling, it's dripping from his cold fingertips.

Boy, why are you so sad? Why do you cry and weep, when there is no sane reason behind your pain? Why must you sit in your corner to wallow in long ago memories? Memories when the sun shone brightly and kissed your freckled skin?

Boy, run outside. You will see the world is still dazzling, even though it may be night. See how the moon illuminates your rosy cheeks? Boy, look down at your silver skin; oh how it shines and lights up my world.

Boy, there is no need for you to be broken, for you to cry or for you to bleed. No, there never was a need to be broken. Only a need to be found.

Puppies n' Purses

What a weekend!! It was just the break I was looking for...

Everything started off just right when I picked Jake up Thursday night. We talked all night and watched one of my all time favorites, Happy Feet. The next morning we got up and made breakfast then got ready, and finally ended up at the Gateway mall. He picked out a cute birthday present for himself at Abercrombie and made a quick stop for some DDR. We then met up with Tyana & Cassie, and enjoyed a quick game of softball before heading to Stone Ground for some pizza and drinks.

Saturday Jake had to meet up with his National Guard troop for some training, so I stayed home and played with Shady and Nitro. Nitro is the newest addition to the Hansen/Gleave clan... He is adorable! While I was getting ready for the day, he snuggled up inside my purse for a little cat nap.

Later that night, Jake and I went to my grandpa's house to visit my dad and brothers. We played board games and caught up on all of the family gossip.

Sunday, Jake had to leave again for the National Guard training, so I slept in and picked up the house. My mom came home that night, so we all had dinner together and filled everyone in on the "Jake & Jess" situation. : )

So now, here it is Monday, and I am back at work. It's nice to be back home, but of course I am sad at the same time to be away from all of the excitement, and I look forward to going home to Richfield very soon!!

Hope all is well!

J

All I Can Say...

All I can say is, "...Please God, let this day be over and done with." I am ready for my 3-day weekend. I have more than earned it.

Something to leave you with...

“I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.” -Albert Einstein

P.S. Word of the day: Fantabulous

Rantings Of A Tired Woman...

Today has been one of those days... the kind of day that is too long from the moment you hop out of bed. I'm ready to go home, throw on some jammies and tuck myself into bed.

Something to leave you with:

"Night, the beloved. Night, when words fade and things come alive. When the destructive analysis of day is done, and all that is truly important becomes whole and sound again. When man reassembles his fragmentary self and grows with the calm of a tree." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Just thought I would share... Sweet dreams!